Communication in Families

I believe that communication in families is the most crucial part of building a tight-knit family. The guidelines for effective communication in families according to Wood (2007) include: maintaining equity in family relationships, making daily choices to enhance intimacy, show respect and consideration, and not sweating the small stuff. I believe that some of these are important, but I know in my family we only use a few of these concepts. We show a lot of respect and consideration for each other as well as not sweating the small stuff. In our family we are completely open and we all know everything about each other. To some people on the outside they probably think it might be excessive, but I am happy to say that my mom, sister, and brother are my best friends. Communication in families is something that should be the building block to every family, but I feel and see in everyday life that it is almost rare to come across. I feel very fortunate to have a mother that made the lines of communication completely open, and made us the close family that we are. The concept of communication in families and relating it to my family shows some similarities, but there are differences as well. I think that every family is different and not one family lives by textual guidelines, and this is the way it should be.

Friendship

The development of friendship is a very transparent process. There is a lot of work that each person needs to put in to make a friendship work and be worthwhile. This is why I believe that it is better to have quality friends rather than quantity of friends.

The Concept

The development of friendship according to Wood (2007) says that the majority of friendships evolve through a series of stages. These stages include: role-limited interaction, friendly relations, moving toward friendship, nascent friendship, stabilized friendship, and weaning friendship. Role-limited interaction involves the initial meeting of new peers. During this time we tend to rely on standard social rules and roles. We also limit personal disclosure (Wood, 2007). In this stage it is the beginning of a possible friendship, it is almost like testing the waters to see what type of person they are and if you could see a friendship in the future. The next stage is friendly relations and this is where each person checks out to see whether common ground exists (Weinstock & Bond, 2000). This stage is where you try and see what types of things you have in common and whether or not you can act on these commonalities. The third stage of developing a friendship s moving toward friendship. According to Wood this stage starts moving us beyond social roles. We start to disclose small portions of ourselves to our new friend. This is where many friendships never move beyond this phase (Knapp & Vangelisti, 2005). In this phase you decide whether or not you can become friends with this person and disclose all of your personal information or if you are going to leave it at being surface friends. The next stage is nascent friendship. If people get past the moving toward friendship stage they think of themselves as being friends or becoming friends. In this stage we start sharing feelings, values, concerns, and interests (Wood, 2007). This stage is where you start to self-disclose information that will either bring you closer to your new friend or distinguish you away from them because you do not share enough things in common. If you do share many values and interests you will most likely move onto the next phase and this is the stabilized friendship phase. The main point of this stage is the assumption of continuity (Wood, 2007). This is where you start to trust the friend you have made and almost make ground rules and rituals for your friendship. In this stage you and your friend decide what types of activities and rituals you will have together. The last phase of the development of friendship is waning friendship. This is where bone or both friends stop investing in a friendship (Wood, 2007). In this stage one or both friends decide that the friendship is not working for various reasons and start to pull away from the friendship. The development of friendship is a long and usually disappointing road, but when you get through all of these stages and avoid the waning friendship this is where you get the quality friends rather than the quantity of friends.

The Problem

When I first transferred to ISU I was determined to meet the “best friend” you are supposed to meet in college. I started going out with some friends from home and then I met a girl at a party whose name is “Tegan.” Tegan and I talked all night at a party and became best friends virtually overnight. We disclosed information to each other pretty quickly and learned that we had a lot in common when it came to our values and interests in life. Our friendship was something that I had never experienced and I thought that we were going to be (as cliché as this is) best friends for life. We spent all the free time we had together for a year and a half, which meant that we spent every single day together. We would go out, stay in, do anything that friend’s do and have a great time doing it. Some things happened and we got into some disputes that tore us apart. At this point in our relationship we barely speak to each other. To think back to a year and a half ago where we were at compared to now boggles my mind. I believe in my heart when we both grow up and mature more we will become close friends once again, but at this point it is nearly impossible.

Potential Management

According to Lempers & Clark-Lempers (1993) the nature of same-sex friendships leads to potential closeness differences when compared to cross-sex friendships. Same-sex friendships are perceived as more significant than cross-sex friendships. As well as this according to Johnson (2004) emerging adults report knowing their same sex friend longer, spending more time with that friends, and being more committed to that friend. With this being said it is found that there is higher emotional closeness for same-sex friendships rather than cross-sex relationships. This studied showed that same-sex friendships are usually more valid than cross-sex relationships. When it came to Tegan and my relationship this concept did not really fit. Nevertheless, we skipped around a lot of the steps of the development of friendship. Since we became so close overnight we completely skipped the role-limited interaction, friendly relations, and moving toward friendship stages. I do not know if in turn this is what led to our disaster, but I think that there are different circumstances for every single friendship. Skipping all of the steps of the development of friendship was a different pace for me and I do not regret becoming so close with Tegan overnight, but I do think if we would have taken more time to become familiar with each other things may have panned out differently. Everything in life is a learning experience, and this was one of the biggest ones I have come across in my life, thus far. If I were to give advice to somebody about the development of friendship, I would most definitely tell them to go through all of the steps besides the waning friendship, if they could avoid it. I think that this is the healthiest way to start a relationship, and it will hopefully result in moving past the moving toward friendship stage.

Johnson, H., Brady, E., McNair, R., Congdon, D., Niznik, J., & Anderson, S. (2007). IDENTITY AS A MODERATOR OF GENDER DIFFERENCES IN THE EMOTIONAL CLOSENESS OF EMERGING ADULTS' SAME- AND CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPS. Adolescence, 42(165), 1-23. Retrieved from Academic Search Premier database.